Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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