i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
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