Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
