remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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