Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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