What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
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