Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
