we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
