By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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