My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
