weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
