drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
are you so shy because you have an std?
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
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