Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
