Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
