Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
