Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
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