Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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