i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Randomize
