Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
