Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
