he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
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