Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
