Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
The Olympian is in my bed
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
