i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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