cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
did i just pee glitter
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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