Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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