So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
