i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
