im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
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