ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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