everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
