he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
