I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
