During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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