Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Randomize
