Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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