i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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