So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
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