Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
The ass gains better be worth it
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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