I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
