she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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