ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
