I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Randomize
