I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
