apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
