perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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