you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
