So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
