Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
This gyro tastes like lonliness
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
