he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
