I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
