I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
