My room smells like vodka and shame
So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Terrible idea I love it
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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