The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
