I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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